"Your fixated sense of separate self cannot survive his gaze."
- Gorgeous George, fiercely independent journalist and lead investigator for the Millennium Monkey Project.
Oh Sagacious Simian, what is the meaning of life?
Life doesn't HAVE meaning. Life IS meaning. Symbols have meaning. Life is not a symbol. Life is that which symbols attempt, in their severely truncated way, to represent. Bring me a banana. Now the word "banana" has meaning. It means this thing (holds up the banana). But this thing is life itself (eats the banana) not a symbolic representation. You are dismissed.
Oh Mystical Monkey, The Universe is so vast and I am so tiny. How can I, in my insignificance, not be swallowed up by infinite time and space?
Through diligent practice of the ancient ways you must see through the illusion of your separateness. The fleas that live on your tail (scratches head and eats a flea) are much smaller than you yet they feel no alienation because they do not cherish a sense of personal identity separate from your tail. Go away and take a bath.
Oh Wise One, how do I stop incessant monkey mind?
Why you bedwetting little demon! (hits inquisitor with tree branch) The mind of a monkey is a beautiful thing! Like a cherry blossom, it rises and falls, rises and falls, inevitably and eternally. Let go of any preference for the presence or absence. Now get out of here! (more whacking)
Just who do you think you are buster!
I have no idea. (Eats banana with relish)
What are you doing?
Peeling a banana
Someone wants to eat it. (Takes a bite)
Why are YOU peeling it?
I happened to be here. (Finishes the banana)
Wise One, can you help me pacify my mind?
Show it to me and I will pacify it.
Here (holds up a slimy mass)
That's disgusting! Put it away.
Thank you Master! (bows deeply)
Magister Monkey, can you teach me to levitate?
Why do you want to levitate when you can already hebetate you cart-pulling bumpkin? There is the door.
There! (whacks him with the stick)
Oh thank you master! (bows deeply)
Oh wise one, what can you tell us about the true path?
My one-tail-Zen is inexhaustible.
But Master, you have no tail!
[Send your questions for Sam c/o Kaishin]